The plague

I have the plague.  In fact, I have now had the plague for 8 days.  It started as a sore throat, turned into a cold, then laryngitis, then a stomach bug, then a cough, and now finally, an earache.  It’s awesome.  I went to the doctor and I don’t have strep, the flu, bronchitis or anything else that can be treated with drugs.  So that’s good.  Spanky is as healthy as a horse, which is probably why it’s taking me so damn long to get better.

I find myself craving Sudafed and Mucinex like a crack addict.  I will console myself with my zinc tablets and herbal tea.

I was very impressed with myself for making it virtually unscathed through this whole pregnancy thing.  Except for that one time with the hot dog and then the rash.  And the aches and pains.  But for the most part, it hasn’t been too bad.  Until now.  I do find some solace in knowing that within the next month, the cold will go away and Spanky will come out.  So there is lots to look forward to.

You know you’re big when…

Two things happened last week that have done wonders for my pregnant self-esteem.

1.  I was standing in my driveway, talking to one of my housemates, at 8:30 one morning.  It was cold, so I was bundled up.  A woman pulls her car over, gets out, and walks towards us.  She gestures to our recycling and says, “Are those boxes cut up or broken down?”  We said, both, help yourself, do whatever you want, we’re getting rid of them, etc…And then she turns to me and says, “MY, WHAT A BIG BELLY YOU HAVE.  IS THIS YOUR FIRST?”

FOR REALS.  I was standing in my own driveway.  Minding my own business.  When a woman wearing some sort of faux yak skin/furry/fringey moon boots gets out of her car to pick through our trash and insults me.  First thing in the morning.  All I could do was nod.  WHO DOES THAT?  I had to confirm later on that this event actually happened and I didn’t dream it up in some sort of pregnant delusion.  But it was totally real.  And her boots were totally furry.

2.  Jason and I went out to dinner last week to one of our favorite places, Wild Willy’s (check it out), where we enjoyed some pre-Jason’s birthday burgers.  As you all know, I do the driving in our family.  Not because Jason can’t, but because I am a tragically bad passenger.  Anyway, upon leaving the restaurant, we noticed that some yahoo parked real close to us.  Like so close that I was unable to maneuver my fat gut into the driver’s side door of the car.  I weighed my options — try to squish the baby and myself through the small crack, haul myself into the passenger side, over the center console and into the driver’s seat, or swallow my pride and let Jason drive home.  Jason drove home.

I am ready to be done now.

J/k

Dear Spanky Lulu,

Don’t move.  Stay right where you are.

Thanks!

The butt-up thing wasn’t really generating the kind of movement the midwife was expecting and in fact, Spanky had stopped moving around with the same frequency as she had been.  So we went back and forth about this for most of the week and Audra decided it would be best for us to just have an ultrasound to see what was going on.  And to see if there was some reason why the baby wouldn’t turn.  I wasn’t thrilled about this for a few reasons — I have absolutely no interest in hearing the size/weight of the baby at this point.  And the ultrasound would definitely confirm that.  I was also worried that having an ultrasound this late would generate a whole mess of information better left unknown for the next month.  Not to mention the fact that we decided on a home birth to avoid unnecessary medical intervention and it was possible that the findings of the ultrasound would necessitate a hospital birth.

So we went anyway and the doctor immediately confirmed that the baby’s head is down.  And what we were feeling and seeing as distinct, round lumps at the top my stomach were, in fact, hips and knees.  Spanky is on her side along my right side, with her spine facing outwards.  Then her hips stick out right at the top of my stomach, under my ribs.

I will say, however, that ultrasounds this late are not cute.  In fact, the baby looks like a freakish cross between an alien and a deep-sea creature.  Appearances aside, everything is fine.  Measurements check out and the heart, brain, stomach, etc…are all doing what they are supposed to.  And most importantly, Spanky is right where she is supposed to be.  We managed to escape without learning the size of the baby and we also didn’t confirm the gender.  So after a long week, we’re all glad that everything is fine and we really hope that the next 4 weeks will be uneventful.

Spanky is too big for a proper in-utero photo shoot.  But I leave you with this.  Yeah, that’s her eye.   Not cute at all.

And finally, Audra said I don’t have to lay with my butt up anymore.  Thank god.

Dear Spanky Lulu,

Please move.  Soon.  Thanks.

So for two weeks now, Spanky Lulu has continued to be in a transverse position.  Rather than being in the desired head down position or even a breech position, she has decided to make things difficult by laying straight across my stomach.  We met with the midwife today and she confirmed that there hasn’t been any movement.  From a comfort standpoint, this sucks.  Everything, including sleeping, sitting and walking, is more uncomfortable.  From a delivery standpoint, it’s bad news.  But we’re still at least 4-5 weeks away from stressing about that.

In the meantime, however, I have a whole list of things that I should be doing to try to get the baby to move.  Mainly this involves putting the power of gravity to our advantage.  So I walk up a lot of stairs, use the stairmaster at the gym, sit on the big exercise ball instead of a chair, etc…

And now, please add laying with my head and chest on the ground, with my butt sticking up in the air, FOR 45 MINUTES EVERY DAY, to the list of strange things I will be doing to get Spanky to resume her rightful place with her head in my pelvis.  When that gets old, I read online that we could also speak firmly, commanding Spanky to move, shine a light in the direction we want her to move, or put ice on my stomach, in hopes that she will swim away from the cold.  Crazytown.

When the do-it-yourself remedies wear out, the acupuncturist has all sorts of things to try and there is also this chiropractic technique that can be used to turn babies around.  So there are options.

But in the meantime, if you need me, I am laying on the living room floor with my butt up.

Spanky’s New Digs

In honor of it being the New Year and making resolutions, we hereby resolve to start getting things ready for this baby to arrive.  So the first official act of preparation was to assemble Spanky’s bassinet/crib thing.  To get himself ready for the task at hand, Jason did some core strengthening exercises on his new Wii Fit.

I avoided the Wii Fit like the plague, only because it weighs you and analyzes your body mass index, etc..and I figured that wouldn’t be very good for my self-esteem at this stage of the game.

Anyway, once he was stretched and exercised, he started the assembly.

And the finished product:

Yes, it’s round.  Yes, you have to buy special sheets for it.  And yes, it looks remarkably like a cage.  But I am not sure that’s a bad thing.  Someday, this very bassinet will turn into a crib, a toddler bed, a big-girl bed and two chairs.  Spanky will have it for a nice, long time!  Big thanks to Robert and Jane for giving us this lovely piece of trendy, Norwegian baby furniture.  It’s pretty damn cool.  If you can remember back a few months ago, this was the same crib that we tried to buy on Amazon for a mere $65.

In other news, Spanky is still sideways.  This child has made it her mission to make her last six weeks of in-utero living as unpleasant as possible.  But I can’t be too upset, because I spent my afternoon indulging in a pre-natal massage.  Things could be much, much worse.

Happy New Year!

So it’s officially 2009, thereby making Spanky Lulu’s arrival a mere 6 weeks away.  While the panic hasn’t set in, yet, we are definitely starting to feel the time crunch.

On the pregnancy front, things are moving along nicely.  My mom went with us this week to meet the midwife so they could meet once before they both showed up for the birth.  My mom was reassured that while water birth babies do appear to be slightly blue, they pink up and warm up rather quickly once removed from the water.  After watching a few home births in the Businees of Being Born, she was concerned that the water birth babies all looked cold and wrinkly.  She and Jason both got to hear the heartbeat and Spanky put on quite a show by getting herself all flipped around into some weird positions.  After a lot of poking and prodding, it was determined that she is somewhere between a breech and a sideways position.  This is both uncomfortable and unfortunate.  She has plenty of time to resume her previously occupied feet-up position before we need to be concerned, but space is at a premium in there and these huge movements are wreaking havoc on my internal organs.  I hope she returns to normal soon.

Only one more week of the childbirth class.  I can’t wait.  The information is generally useful, but the people in the class are stressing me out.  They are super nervous and continue to ask paranoid questions about all sorts of things I would prefer not to think about.

We are definitely starting to amass some super cute baby stuff.  One of the more practical items, however, comes in the form of a craft project.  We have been doing all sorts of research into what kind of cloth diaper covers we wanted to use.  The diaper itself has been decided on, but something needs to go over that to prevent all manner of leaks.  There are a few polyester options, which I am not thrilled with, and then a bunch of more natural fiber choices.  So I gave my mom the mission of trying to come up with something that would work, be inexpensive, and not be an all consuming craft project.  So I introduce to you the first version of Spanky Lulu’s wool diaper soaker.  It’s knitted with super soft wool and the legs should be wide enough to accommodate for the inevitability of her chubby thighs: