Carbo Loading

So Spanky and I had to go for some bloodwork today.  One of the tests was for gestational diabetes.  Instead of doing the test where we had to drink the sugary nasty juice, we just had to eat.  A LOT.  Two hours before the blood test, I had to go an eat a meal high in carbs and protein.  So we went to the diner down the street and I ate lots.  Eggs.  Sausage.  Home fries.  And a bagel.  Then maybe a bite or two of Jason’s home fries.  It was tasty.  Then we went to get the tests done.

We won’t get the results until next week.  But the midwife suspects that diabetes is not an issue.  However, if she thinks we need to try the test again next week, I won’t turn down the breakfast!

Week 28 means that Spanky Lulu weighs the same as a head of Chinese cabbage — 2.25 pounds.  What’s up with the stinky vegetables?

Baby got back

Baby got back is similar to Baby got Barack, but this one actually has to do with the baby’s ass.

I totally forgot to mention this last week, but at week 27, Spanky Lulu weighed 2 pounds and was about 14.5 inches long.  (I continue to assert that it’s a big lie and this child continues to exceed all fruit and vegetable calculations).  Apparently 2 pounds is the weight of a head of cauliflower.  Cauliflower smells real bad.  Let’s not talk about it anymore.

In our last visit with the midwife, we confirmed our suspicions about Spanky’s position.  We have known for weeks that Spanky likes to hang out on the right side.  And if you look at my stomach, one side totally sticks out more than the other.  If you look even closer, you can see this round lump protruding from the right side.  Jason and I made the untrained determination that Spanky Lulu was sticking her butt out and the lump we were seeing was actually the outline of her butt.  We asked Audra and sure enough, Spanky’s head is down where it’s supposed to be, her butt is sticking out of the side of my stomach and her legs are under my rib cage.  While she is in a good position for delivery, I am not sure that I can spend the next 3 months with her poking my bladder with her fist and kicking me in the ribs.  If I didn’t object so strongly to having pictures taken of my stomach, I would provide photographic evidence of this.  But you will just have to use your imagination.

Things are moving along smoothly.  The rash is under control.  I have a glucose screening this week and some bloodwork.  And we switch to 2 midwife visits per month.  I think that means the end is in sight.  I have been having a lot of hip and back pain, so I am off to the acupuncturist next week in hopes that she can make it all better.  I think that the issue has to do with our mattress.  But that’s a whole other post.  And for those of you keeping track, I bought a winter coat.

Who knew…

that we were so trendy???

The New York Times had a really great article yesterday about home births.  Check it out!

I Heart Massages

As I mentioned in my last post, I had signed Jason and I up for a couple’s prenatal massage workshop.  I had my doubts.  I figured it would be super fruity and we’d be in the back of the class giggling and getting in trouble.  BUT it ended up being amazing.  There were only two other couples and the instructor was fantastic.  Jason learned all sorts of massage techniques to use and we got to practice a lot.  We also learned a bunch of different things to do during labor and after.  I have never been shy about my love of the massage.  Not 15 minutes into the class, I was drooling all over myself and the instructor asked if I had fallen asleep.

One of the coolest things was the reflexology part.  Did you know that there is a specific massage pattern in a specific part of your foot that can stimulate digestion and elimination?  So we have gone about 7 months on this blog without really talking about poop.  That may be a record for me.  Anyway, if you apply pressure to this part of your foot, it can make you poop.  It works.  Not immediately.  But the next day.  Amazing. There is also a pressure point on your foot that will stimulate uterine contractions.  We will stay away from that one for awhile.

The other thing I noticed during this class is how whiney some of the partners were.  The whole point of the class was learning massage techniques to make the pregnant person more comfortable.    The two other guys complained so much.  One guy said that the massage was making his hands hurt.  And the other one didn’t want to sit on the floor.  Give me a break — massage makes your hands hurt — carrying around an alien-baby for 10 months hurts.  These guys were out of control.  Jason, however, was complimented on being a “natural.”  Yup.  I was very proud.  In a few months, Jason may wish that we never took this class.  But when he gets tired of the massaging, I will remind him how much cheaper it is for him to do it, rather than pay the fancy massage therapist.

Baby got Barack

We introduced Spanky Lulu to the democratic process this week. I was less than thrilled with the idiot people in front of us in line at the polling station who brought their dog into the school gym while they voted. The dog in the little booth caused me to have an sneezing fit in the middle of voting. Who brings their dog to vote? Why am I allergic to everything?

Thanks to the good people of the Commonwealth, Spanky Lulu won’t go to jail if caught with less than an ounce of pot. Hopefully, that won’t be an issue for a nice long time. But if we do end up raising a devil-child, it will be nice to know that we won’t have to bail her out of the pokey for that one.

While we have mixed feelings about the election outcomes (thumbs up for Obama, sadness for Prop 8 and the other ballot questions), I am feeling a lot better about bringing a child into the world. Spanky Lulu will arrive about a month after the inauguration and I think the timing is fortuitous. There is something to be said for starting out surrounded by a lot of hope and promise for better things ahead.

In other news, we are at 26 weeks. Spanky is the length of an English cucumber. And weighs almost 2 pounds. Apparently her hearing is continuing to develop and she can hear us. While I am sure we sound like we are talking from inside a swimming pool, I may need to stop cursing her existence every time I stand up and everything aches. We should also probably stop swearing. But I guess there is plenty of time for that.

On Saturday, we are going to a couple’s pre-natal massage workshop. I hope it’s not mad fruity.